You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
