literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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