Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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