I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize