I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
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My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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