alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
