she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
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I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
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But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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