In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
