I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize