did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize