i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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