What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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