I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Fuck appropriateness.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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