He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
