Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
