Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
