Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
