I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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