I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
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Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
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Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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