eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
