OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
that's an acceptable place to lick
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
