There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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