my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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