I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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