did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
