he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
