Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
