it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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