I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
