I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
