I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
