in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
