I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
