Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
