so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
