i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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