My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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