She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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