Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
