Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
