you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
