after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
