Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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