the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
