Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize