I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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