My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
