If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
