I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
