Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
