I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
