just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
