did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
