I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Of course I have a pirate flag
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
