Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
