If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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