I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
