I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
