Your face is a jimmy john
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
