Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
