So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
