i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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