i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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