I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
