lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
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When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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