it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
