I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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