Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
