is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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