I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
