i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
