your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
